George Carlin Quotes

George Carlin Quotes George Carlin has been an American celebrity. He had been a comic, social critic, And writer. Funny George Carlin Quotes reveals that we believe everybody Quicker than people being an idiot. George Carlin Quotes on Saturdays favors the Separation of state and church. Short George Carlin Quotes about Politicians Are they have been there to require freedom for you personally. Favors keeping firearms to guard your self. That the largest problem is everybody else may eventually become president.are about jolliness of all Santa. Inspirational George Carlin Quotes indicate individuals to proceed for a religion which lets your home is your own fantasies. George life. thanksgiving style. Have per day dedicated to despise. world. George Carlin Censorship Quotes speaks concerning the options of individuals. George Carlin Quotes about Mothers Discuss the bond using an individual pet. Air Force as a radar tech and has been stationed in Shreveport, Louisiana. On the subsequent 3 decades, Carlin made his high school equivalency and also moonlighted as a disk jockey at a local radio channel. In addition, he received three courts martial and lots of disciplinary punishments, in accordance with his official site. After an overall release in 1957, he required radio work in Boston and Fort Worth, Texas.

Short George Carlin Quotes on Death entails for death as great information for Older Persons. Carlin attended faculty and far of the negative religious opinion is due to his experience being a Catholic priest boy. George Carlin Quotes Carlin completed two decades of high school before dropping from the ninth grade. Like a self-professed atheist and enthusiastic alcoholic user, his adversaries termed him anti-religious and disrespectful of all society. Nevertheless, the comic new substance attracted him success contrary to Younger Counter-culture.

George Carlin Quotes on Jesus

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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.


There’s some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you.


Matt 13:57. Then Jesus told them, ‘A prophet is honoured everywhere except in his own hometown and among his own family.’ The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.


If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?


George Carlin Quotes about Christmas

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.


George Carlin Quotes on Politics

I call him Governor Bush because that’s the only political office he’s ever held legally in this country. I don’t care where they hang his portrait, I don’t care how big his library is. To me, he’ll always be Governor Bush. I don’t even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.


Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.


I’m completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.


George Carlin Quotes on Guns

The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.


You can’t be the fastest gun in town forever. There comes a time when you’re not the golden boy, and you have to go off somewhere and figure yourself out.


They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!


I believe my first duty is to survive. And I’m not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I’ll get one. And I’ll use it.


George Carlin Quotes There is no Present

There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.


George Carlin Quotes on America

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.


Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? We have the war on crime, the war on


cancer, the war on drugs. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? You know why? Because there’s no money in that problem. No money to be made off of the homeless. If you can find a solution to homelessness where the corporations and politicians can make a few million dollars each, you will see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty damn quick!


Inspirational George Carlin Quotes

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.


What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?


The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.


Religion is like a pair of shoes.. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.


Short George Carlin Quotes on Thanks Giving

We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing


On Thanksgiving, you realize you’re living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.


Short George Carlin Quotes on Death

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.


I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.


Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.


Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!


George Carlin Quotes Freak Show

When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.


George Carlin Censorship Quotes

Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices.


George Carlin Quotes about Food

On Thanksgiving, you realize you’re living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.


I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.


They mention that it’s a nonstop flight. Well, I must say I don’t care for that sort of thing. Call me old fashioned, but I insist that my flight stop. Preferably at an airport.


The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn’t mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.


George Carlin Quotes about Cats

A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.


Your dog thinks you’re a god. Your cat thinks the dog’s an asshole.


If you’ve got a cat and a leg, you’ve got a happy cat. If you’ve got a cat and two legs, you’ve got a party.


Dogs and cats get put to sleep; hogs and cows get slaughtered.


George Carlin Quotes on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is devoted to love. Why don’t we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, visceral hatred that is felt every hour of the day by ordinary people, but is repressed for reasons of social order. I think it would be very cathartic, and it would certainly make for an exciting six o’clock news.


George Carlin Quotes on Life

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?


The status quo sucks.


Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.


Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.


George Carlin Quotes We Drink Too Much

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch tv too much. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.


George Carlin Quotes on Cancer

You show me something that doesn’t cause cancer, and I’ll show you something that isn’t on the market yet.


Cancer research is a growth industry.


If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.


The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.


Short George Carlin Quotes about Michael Jackson

Why Michael Jackson Was the Greatest Ever.


Short George Carlin Quotes Weather Forecast

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.


Short George Carlin Quotes about Politicians

Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don’t kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.


These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.


Voting is a meaningless exercise. I’m not going to waste my time with it. These parties, these politicians are given to us as a way of making us feel we have freedom of choice. But we don’t. Everything is done to you in this country.


Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t.


George Carlin Quotes Never Underestimate the Power

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.


Funny George Carlin Quotes

Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.


What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?


Other Quotes You May Like:


Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?


The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.