Amazing Funny Quotes

“Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it.”

“Don’t give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can’t wear in the evening.”

“A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.”

“Feminine intuition is a fiction and a fraud. It is nonsensical, illogical, emotional, ridiculous, and practically fool proof.”

“I prefer the word homemaker, because housewife always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.”

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.

“Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.”

“As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.”

“Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.”

“If a woman tells you that she is single by choice, it’s probably because no one has chosen her.”

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.”

“A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking.”

“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s – By That’s because she changes it more often.”

“It doesn’t matter how attractive someone is when you marry, even a white cat is black in the dark.”

God made women beautiful and foolish, … beautiful that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him.”

I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor.

“From what I understand about the female experience, the period should be called something more drastic, like the exclamation point.”

Show me the man who enjoyed his schooldays and I will show you a bully and a bore. -Robert Morley

“Fake hair, fake nails, fake eye lash, artificial face and sometimes fake behavior, yet a woman will say she needs a real man.”

“I’m a woman.. I’m smart. I never lose an argument. I can cook. I like to read fashion magazines. I love to be right. Men don’t understand us. We must have secret powers, because I don’t understand us, either.”