Amazing Funny Quotes

“The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.”

School is practice for future life, practice makes perfect and nobody’s perfect, so why practice

“A proof that experience is of no use, is that the end of one love does not prevent us from beginning another.”

“If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.”

“Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.”

“Beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, though, maybe, an injured one.”

“Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.”

“I love women. They’re the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that’s fine.”

I really should do something with my life… maybe tomorrow.

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”

“When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.”

“Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.”

“When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.”

My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor

“Women marry men hoping they will change.Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”

“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.”

“I detest ‘love lyrics.’ I think one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on ‘love lyrics.”

“If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”

“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.”

“Falling in love is not at all the most stupid thing that people do, but gravitation cannot be held responsible for it.”