Amazing Funny Quotes

“A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.”

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.”

“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”

“Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity.”

“Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.”

“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.”

“Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.”

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”

“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.”

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.”

“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.”

“Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?”

“Love is hiding who you are at all times. It’s wearing make-up to bed and going downstairs to Burger King to poop.”

“The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent upon it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.”

“It’s been so long since I made love, I can’t even remember who gets tied up.

“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.”

“That love at first sight should happen to me, was Life’s most delicious revenge on a self-opinionated fool.”

“Loving is like peeing in your pants – everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth”

“It does not matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you do not do it in the street and frighten the horses.

“No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along.”

“In the morning I can’t eat, I’m thinking of you. In the evening I can’t eat, I’m still thinking of you. In the night I can’t sleep. I’m so hungry!

“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”

“It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.”